The Medical Contribution

I was at a party the other night. I was really hammered, so I decided to not risk driving home.

Don't get me wrong...I usually do it all the time. But recently there's been this cop hanging around my neighborhood with a hard-on for drivers who like to hit the sauce before they hit the road. So I found this stray cat, glued it's paws to the steering wheel, laid a cinder-block on the pedal, and stretched out in the back.

It had gone pretty far before it was pulled over; strangely, we weren't that far from my place. It had almost gotten off with a warning until that pussy decided to mouth off and get us both arrested...at least, that's what I remember.

Anyways, they brought me before the judge, and he said he would drop the matter if I used my family's money to contribute to a medical organization. Obviously, I went with that idea. So I went by Target and bought a dozen or so vacuum cleaners and donated them to the local women's clinic. I figured they could always use em.